Why is it so hard to turn off your feelings and just move the heck on?

Why do I do the same thing yet expect different results?

Posted at 16:30 | |

Tonight's the night for writing in my lesser used diaries, it would appear.

I don't think I've been a good friend lately, particularly to one of my closest friends.

She's going through a pretty rough time and while I try to call on a weekly basis (which, for us, is good), I feel like if the roles were reversed she'd do more for me. She'd have sent me a card, no, hand delivered one, with a small gift or a meal or something. She'd have called every day. It's hard because I'm not as mobile (er, I mean I don't have a car, not that I can't move like she can...though that might be true) as she is, and I work all the time but I could have made more time. I feel quite bad about this but I haven't done anything to rectify the situation.

Yet.

Posted at 00:26 | |

Sar@h Brightman's voice in her duet with Andre@ Bocelli (Time to Say Goodbye) is amazingly pure and amazing to listen though.

For some reason I added that song to my Christmas playlist of songs.

Posted at 01:53 | |

I went out for dinner last night with Teresa, a university friend.

She got dressed up (as did I) for our dinner out but she had this bag.

A purse, if you will. It was so gorgeous. It was an oriental inspired bag, with that black satin that has a print on it (I know, very descriptive, eh?). It's so pretty. I know I'll never find it again, seeing as she bought it last year. I'm just surprised I haven't seen it on the arm of any other fashionable Ottawa ladies.

I covet that bag.

Posted at 01:52 | |

C@nada Post must be laughing all the way to the bank.

I sent a package off to Illinois on Wednesday December 15. I was told that there are only 5 more business days until Christmas so that the only way to guarantee that the package would arrive in time would be to send it through Xpresspost.

I had a bubble envelope (the 9"x12" size), not full of anything that was particularly heavy...and it cost me...$20.48!!!

I was shocked! I grudgingly paid it (after double checking that he didn't make some stupid 2000% markup accident). I will be sure to call my friend and make sure he got the gift in time. Otherwise, Canada Post will be getting a visit from me, and I might be slightly irate.

Posted at 01:47 | |

Status check: Still single

This report has been brought to you by the letter S.

Posted at 00:51 | |

Boy am I ever stupid. I'm wasting my time on an impossible crush.

I M P O S S I B L E!

When will it sink in?

I'm working on a theory that I hope is true: I like the qualities he has, not him precisely. I hope that's the case. Because for some reason, that seems easier to handle. You know, cuz he's taken!

Posted at 02:47 | |

You know what I like to do? Besides moon over boys who are not in the position to ever have a crush on me?

I like to read over my old entries in my locked diary where I write about my fascination/obsession about said guys and marvel at my...silliness? Hopefulness? Patheticness? A combination of all three I think.

I guess I probably come across as fairly emotional on here, since I do write about when family members or friends bring me to tears. And I am. But my writing has a lot of emotion in it too when I talk about a guy who has utterly bewitched me or about situations that hurt me. I almost want to cry and laugh with the girl of the entries, who is so optimistic, so hopeful, so heartbroken when things turn out the opposite of what I hoped for.

It's sort of a bittersweet thing, reading old entries.

Posted at 19:49 | |

I've got a new home! Please, drop by for a visit.

Posted at 03:34 | |

Given this entry in the diary, it's not any wonder that i woudln't mind living a day in the body of my uberslim coworker, Janie. She's the girl you love to hate: slim, pretty, hilarious, nice and totally unaware of her charms. It's so endearing to hear her criticize herself and know that she's not just saying it so that you can respond with Oh, shut up, you're gorgeous! She always seems surprised when people compliment her.

Posted at 02:01 | |

The much anticipated dreaded letters have arrived from my bank.

It's loan repayment time! Gone are the days where I could sneer at the letters and visit my bank waving proof of my continuing student status, thereby delaying my entrance into the "real world" (complete with loan repayments and indebtedness).

Now I get to budget and plan and see how I can make my loan payments disappear while paying the least amount of interest possible.

Looks like I'll have to be work's b!tch now, and take as many shifts as they offer me. Phooey!

Posted at 15:17 | |

My lips now protest when I don't put on lipbalm every hour or so. I find they do this even when there's still a trace of lippy balm on my lips.

Posted at 00:39 | |

I now know why people pay pros to install MY and design templates for their blogs.

It's 4:15am and I'm still trying to figure out why the gazillion MT files that I uploaded to the server aren't showing up on my browser! If only I had started this earlier in the evening so that I could call up someone and scream in frustration (as well as get a suggestion or two) because now I'll have to just give up and go to bed and that's aggravating.

I want a solution NOW. Why can I see all the files that I've uploaded on the one program but they don't actually show up on my browser???

Curses on Unix!!!

Posted at 04:17 | |

Just curious: anyone brave enough to identify the singer of the song containing these lyrics?

Said I loved you but I lied
Cuz this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you but I was wrong
Cuz love can never ever feel so strong

This is one of those songs that cheesy me likes. This is yet another song that my brother thinks proves that I'll never be musically cool :)

Posted at 02:49 | |

You can imagine how thrilling I find it to have houseguests who have three sons, who are right around the ages of my own brothers. I really do not understand how boys like this grow up to be productive members of society. Do they actually?

It's hard to believe that these gross pigs who leave bowls from food they've eaten everywhere, who spill drinks and don't even clean up the mess (or let someone know so that it can be cleaned up), who sit in front of the tube for hours before they decide to take a shower, who use all these dishes for dessert (one bowl for icecream, another for pie) as well as a spoon and a fork, then have to be asked to put their bowls in the dishwasher...will grow up to be normal well adjusted humans.

I'm not yet convinced that they do.

I didn't help with the cleaning so I was the 1 person kitchen cleanup crew.

I now have a pounding headache that I think has been brought on by my cold. I felt so invincible walking around my mom and grandma who had running noses and were sneezing like crazy. I really thought because I'm working out and washing my hands often and dressing warmly, that I was immune. Nope.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, CANADA!

Posted at 02:02 | |

I got a letter today from the Attorney General, saying that my name has been randomly chosen to be on the list of people called to do jury duty!

Cool.

Yes, I realize the that chances of me being called to duty during a high profile case are slim but you never know. I may be that hold out juror who drives everyone bananas.

Posted at 12:58 | |

This probably doesn't need to be said but man, can Dooce write. I really like this entry, part of a series (I think) of letters to her new daughter. Very sweet.

Posted at 00:51 | |

Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats It.

Good heavens. Didn't he notice that this 'chicken' was pretty unenergetic?

Eeeew!

Posted at 02:56 | |

This is the second night in a row that I've spotted something that exactly matches the description of a millipede in our basement, the location of our computer. I'm about 99.9% the two pests were millipedes. And apparently these suckers come around in late summer, after heavy rainfall (which we had two days ago) and favour moist or humid air. Yech! I'll be checking out some insecticides soon (their tough outer coating makes them hard to kill, apparently). YUCK.

I hate creepy crawlies. The basement is a natural breeding ground for the gross creatures...a spider lover would be in heaven in our basement and I'm forever vacuuming cobwebs. I just hope and pray that these two milipedes weren't dating and if they were, the chick didn't have a chance to lay any eggs. I did spray the base of the window where they might be coming in through with windex (the cure all!) in the hopes that any eggs will be poisoned.

Isn't the internet wonderful? 'Milipedes' was the first thing that showed up when I googled 'skinny black worms'. Gross!

Posted at 00:41 | |

Oh boy! I love deals. And did I ever get a great deal Thursday night at the store I work at, CG.

All summer stock has gone to 2 for $12 for Plus sizes (that's me!) and 2 for $10 for regular sized items. Now a couple of months ago, I had put two pieces of "summer" stock away that I wanted but didn't want to buy just yet and I've been buying fall stuff and leaving that summer stuff on the back rack.

Well I was able to pick up a pair of jeans and a thick short sleeved sweatshirt that zips down the front for $12. Twelve! That's $6 for a brand new pair of jeans! I was deliriously happy! I got a dress for $6 too! I mean, wow!

That's it.

Posted at 02:45 | |

It's truly great to get to the point where you can talk to someone who has hurt you in the past without any anger, malice or pain in your heart.

It's great to just let go of those feelings and give yourself the gift of being happy, instead of waiting for them to make you happy by apologizing. What a weight off!

Posted at 15:38 | |

My sister went to get her hair braided and about 8 hours later she came home looking lovely in braids.

People always ask her and my mom: What do you do for the 8 hours while they braid your hair? The answer? Watch movies.

She saw the first two parts of the Lord of The Rings trilogy and she loved it. For some reason my dad bought the third dvd so she watched it at home and now knows why the movie won those academy awards, apparently. So I have to watch it. I never thought I would but maybe, just maybe, I'll now see it.

Posted at 00:26 | |

If I don't do some serious cleaning/organizing of my room or life in general this weekend, I will be very disappointed with myself come Monday.

Posted at 17:35 | |

I love the Marc Cohn song "Walking in Memphis". There's just something about the piano and the guitar in that song, as well as the words that I just love. I don't even want to guess how many times I've listened to it today.

Posted at 02:31 | |

I think I need the services of a masseuse.

Yesterday I woke up with a sore back. Sitting up straight made it ache. Even so, trooper that I am, I went to Curves and I had a good workout (the place was empty, probably because everyone was off watching hockey).

Today I wake up and I have a crick in my neck and my upper back hurts when I bend my head.

I think the culprit is my bed...it's too soft; not enough support! I'll add a new bed to my 'to buy' list.

Posted at 14:17 | |

I think part of my problem is I stopped having a real dream, a goal, something that, even if I don't know how I will accomplish it, at least I know that that is what I want.

So my next step is to spend some time with myself, discovering what I want out of life now that things have changed.

Posted at 01:38 | |

So far today I've had 2 apples and a granola bar. I'm working on a cucumber now. I'm starving! That's the problem with fruits and veggies...I never really feel full after eating them.

I need some meat.

Posted at 12:30 | |

The power in my section of the office has gone off but "luckily" this computer is working so I can still get some work done (my idea to go home was rejected).

The good news: I'll be productive! The bad news: I'll be productive...and there's no msn on this computer. Woe is me.

:)

Posted at 12:05 | |

I've noticed that I'm sprouting hairs in the oddest places. I swear, one day, no hair and the very next day, all of a sudden, I've got this 1/2 inch long hair on my chin, or in the middle of my chest! What gives?

Why can't the hair on my head grow instead?!

Posted at 20:53 | |

I'm feeling greedy. On my list of wants are the following:

• computer
  
• backpack
  
• agenda I nabbed a free one from school.
  
• pedicure
  
• hair appointment 04.09.22
  
• eyebrows waxed 04.09.09

I'll probably get the backpack and agenda and the eyebrows done soon but I'm one of those people who likes to look around a lot to make sure I'm getting the "right" item. I mean, I don't want to buy something and then find a better (quality, price) one the next day.

Posted at 12:41 | |

Am I ever sleepy! I'm feeling so tired, probably from my unproductive late nights and I woke up freakishly early today for no reason.

I'm feeling it now!

I just had a catnap. Again.

Posted at 16:48 | |

This is the first time in 6 years that I've had to buy a monthly bus pass because while I was in university full time, I qualified for the coveted annual student bus pass. Sure, it was almost $500 a year but that gave me 12 months of relative freedom and a ability to go anywhere I wanted in Ottawa (provided OC Transpo stopped there).

Now, I'm an "adult"; so no student pass. And $63.00 a month! A quick calculation reveals I'll be shelling out almost $800 a year. Yuck.

Why I'm having a good day today:

• In my ID photo for my bus pass, my hair is misbehaving, but I like the pic.
  
• The long lineup for last minute bus pass purchasers was fast.
  
• I woke up early today.
  
• I listened to an old cd mix of great songs on my way to work and sang along on my solitary walk to my work building.
  
• I got an email from a hilarious friend.

Posted at 11:13 | |